This article is purely for entertainment purposes and
is not to be followed in any way, shape or form!
No, really - don’t ever do any of this stuff!
• Turn up late or better still, not at all.
For added impact, make sure the parents don’t
have any contact phone numbers or an address for you.
•
Don’t wash your hair for at least a week prior
to the job.
•
Arrive smoking a cigarette and find a pot plant to
stub it out in.
•
Walk in talking on your cell phone. Try to ensure the
call lasts at least 20 minutes and wave the parents
away with your hand if they try to get your attention.
•
Wear your best punk gear and make sure you have all
your piercings on show.
•
Arrive with a spotty, greasy haired, sullen, tattoo-covered
teenaged boy (or girl!) in tow.
•
Arrive with a bag bulging with bottles of alcohol and
cigarettes.
•
Begin every sentence with ‘whatever’ or ‘…like’.
Better still, be monosyllabic. Grunts work well.
•
Totally ignore the children.
•
Go straight to the refrigerator and help yourself to
a great snack and drink.
•
Walk past the parents, into the living room, stretch
out on the sofa and be sure to keep your shoes on.
•
Put your dripping can of soda on the coffee table without
using a coaster. You get extra points here if the table
is polished wood or antique.
•
Pick up the remote and start searching for adult films.
Having made a great first impression – you can
now concentrate on what to do while the parents are
out…if they have dared to leave!
•
Bully the kids into bed the moment the parents go.
Threats are fine – the more scary the better.
•
If you’ve arranged a party – it can start
now!
•
Find the house phone and call all those people cross
country that you need to catch up with. You get extra
points for international calls.
•
Break open the alcohol. If you didn’t bring any,
search the house until you find some and make sure
you drink it all. Spilling it is optional but if you
do – don’t mop up.
•
Make out with your boyfriend on the sofa – or
the parents’ bedroom if you’re feeling
really daring.
•
Watch an explicit DVD and for extra fun, when you’ve
finished, put it into one of the kids DVD cases.
•
Be sure to try out the Mom’s cosmetics, perfume,
clothes and shoes. You get extra points for not putting
it all away carefully.
•
Cook yourself and your friend some food. Use as many
pots, pans, bowls and utensils as you can and leave
it all dumped in the sink. You get extra points for
leaving spills on the worktops and floor.
•
For the big finale, make sure you’re deeply asleep
when the parents return.
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