If the child becomes inconsolable at Mom and Dad leaving
for the evening, it can be very difficult to deal with
and can be distressing for the child and the babysitter.
There are several factors to take into account here.
The child could become upset before the parents leave,
which could make it very difficult (and sometimes impossible)
for them to go.
It may be the first time that the parents have used
a babysitter and their own anxiety may be transmitted
to the child. Again, this is where good groundwork
can really help. If this is to be your first babysitting
job for the family, ask if they have used sitters before…and
how well it went. Just knowing that they have used
sitters before is no help if the experience was a disaster!
If they are leaving the child for the first time,
it’s important to try and make at least one visit
to the family prior to the actual job. Get to know
the child (and the parents) a little. Reassure the
child that you’re going to have lots of fun together
and that they will be safe and happy with you.
Work out a plan with the child of what you will do
while Mom and Dad are out. They may have a favorite
DVD that they would love to watch with you – or
a favorite game to play. Having a structure to the
impending experience will lessen the unknown for the
child.
If the child is young, try taking a soft toy to them
a few days before and ask them to look after it for
you. This will make them feel important in the relationship
with you and may help to lessen the natural feelings
of abandonment.
Driven to distraction…
If a child is desperately upset, remind them of that
DVD or game and tell them how much you have been looking
forward to it. Try and get into the distraction as
quickly as possible. The longer the child remains upset,
the longer it will take for you to calm them down.
If nothing seems to be working, pretending to be upset
yourself can often help. It sounds a little crazy but
it works. Don’t overdo it - you don’t want
to upset them more. Just a few quiet, gentle sniffs
and sad eyes from you can often jerk the child out
of their upset and into sheer curiosity. It also momentarily
gives them the upper hand in the relationship and gives
them back a little power that they lost when Mom and
Dad went through the door.
Keep it going…
Once you have the child’s attention, keep it.
Focus all of your attention on them and have the next
diversion lined up ready to take over as soon as the
first one has lost their interest.
Interactive games such as modelling with Play-Doh
are great as they require the child to be thinking
about something else other than Mom and Dad. Role playing
with dolls, plastic monsters or stuffed toys is also
a great distraction.
Dealing with a temporarily broken-hearted child can
be very wearing and exhausting but ultimately extremely
rewarding. Just remember, it’s mainly in the
planning and groundwork.
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